The Long Road Ahead: C56

Afraid

This novel was posted on cntranslations [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)

_{Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.}
After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?

Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

_{As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.}Xiao Ning: "..."

As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

_{Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."}After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?

Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."

After wandering around outside for a long time, it was past eight o'clock when he finally walked through the door. Tangtang and Xiaohei had both rushed out to greet him when he came in. Xiaohei was especially excited when it picked up on the scent of fish from its master's bag and even stood on its hind legs to get a good whiff.

_{Then, before the warmth bubbling within his chest tempered, he heard Shan Haiming ask, "What are you afraid of?"}
His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.

Then, before the warmth bubbling within his chest tempered, he heard Shan Haiming ask, "What are you afraid of?"

_{Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.}Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.

_{Xiao Ning was left speechless.}
Xiao Ning followed the crowd into the station, then hopped off the train two stops early, where there was a large supermarket located near the entrance. There, he bought himself a fish and some seasonings before slowly making his way home.

Xiao Ning was left speechless.

_{It would have been better if Chen Ying had never come looking for me.}
After wandering around outside for a long time, it was past eight o'clock when he finally walked through the door. Tangtang and Xiaohei had both rushed out to greet him when he came in. Xiaohei was especially excited when it picked up on the scent of fish from its master's bag and even stood on its hind legs to get a good whiff.

It would have been better if Chen Ying had never come looking for me.

_{"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."}
Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.

"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

_{"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.}Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."

"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.

_{Xiao Ning: "..."}
"It's over already?" Shan Haiming spoke up from his relaxed position on the sofa, breaking his attention away from the television. Xiao Ning was stunned for a bit, not expecting to see him, then replied, "Yeah. There was not much to discuss. But didn't you say you had plans for tonight?"

Xiao Ning: "..."

_{After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"}His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.

After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"

"It's over already?" Shan Haiming spoke up from his relaxed position on the sofa, breaking his attention away from the television. Xiao Ning was stunned for a bit, not expecting to see him, then replied, "Yeah. There was not much to discuss. But didn't you say you had plans for tonight?"

_{So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.}
Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"

So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.

_{Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "{Tsk.} So troublesome."}Practice had perfected Shan Haiming's skills, and thus, the fish he prepared had made it to the table rather quickly. The mix of that wonderfully sweet and sour aroma had again aroused Xiao Ning's appetite and made him unable to wait to devour that fish on his toast.

Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

_{Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."}Xiao Ning was left speechless.

Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."

_{"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"}
"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"

_{People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.}
Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.

_{Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.}N/A

Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

_{{Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?}}Shan Haiming had guessed to a certain degree that this was the issue that bothered him, and so he replied, "To forgive Chen Ying or not is something to be done at your discretion."

Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?

_{Comfort radiated throughout Xiao Ning's heart and stomach as he consumed that fish. The fish he bought was not large, and the head and tail were both removed. He alone was able to finish the whole thing off while Shan Haiming sat across from him and stared as if unspoken words were filling Xiao Ning's face and movements.}After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"

Comfort radiated throughout Xiao Ning's heart and stomach as he consumed that fish. The fish he bought was not large, and the head and tail were both removed. He alone was able to finish the whole thing off while Shan Haiming sat across from him and stared as if unspoken words were filling Xiao Ning's face and movements.

_{Xiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.}
After saying this, he took the fish and headed straight for the kitchen.

Xiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.

_{"...just listen to me." Shan Haiming put a bit of distance between them, his composed self carrying traces of smugness that made him appear less mature than his usual self as he stared at Xiao Ning. "It wasn't easy for you to grow up properly and get to where you are now, either."}Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."

"...just listen to me." Shan Haiming put a bit of distance between them, his composed self carrying traces of smugness that made him appear less mature than his usual self as he stared at Xiao Ning. "It wasn't easy for you to grow up properly and get to where you are now, either."

_{Xiao Ning followed the crowd into the station, then hopped off the train two stops early, where there was a large supermarket located near the entrance. There, he bought himself a fish and some seasonings before slowly making his way home.}
Xiao Ning: "..."

Xiao Ning followed the crowd into the station, then hopped off the train two stops early, where there was a large supermarket located near the entrance. There, he bought himself a fish and some seasonings before slowly making his way home.

_{"Hurry up." Shan Haiming put the bag of ingredients off to the side, then spoke in his usually sarcastic tone, though it did carry traces of a laugh, albeit a helpless one. "It's so late, yet you still want to eat squirrel-tailed fish, huh? It looks like you've finally learned to act a bit *spoiled."}
Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?

"Hurry up." Shan Haiming put the bag of ingredients off to the side, then spoke in his usually sarcastic tone, though it did carry traces of a laugh, albeit a helpless one. "It's so late, yet you still want to eat squirrel-tailed fish, huh? It looks like you've finally learned to act a bit *spoiled."

_{Shan Haiming never asked Xiao Ning if he had blamed Chen Ying for abandoning him back then and showing zero concern for him during all the years since. The answer would obviously be yes, without question. Because even though the adult Xiao Ning had no interest in blaming her, the Xiao Ning of the past would never be so open-minded.}"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.

Shan Haiming never asked Xiao Ning if he had blamed Chen Ying for abandoning him back then and showing zero concern for him during all the years since. The answer would obviously be yes, without question. Because even though the adult Xiao Ning had no interest in blaming her, the Xiao Ning of the past would never be so open-minded.

_{The atmosphere changed in an instant at his words; the laughter that just lifted his mood was now all gone, without a trace to be seen. All that was left was a thick, sticky mess of burdensome feelings that made him feel rather strange. {Why are my emotions so severe when it comes to Chen Ying?}}So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.

The atmosphere changed in an instant at his words; the laughter that just lifted his mood was now all gone, without a trace to be seen. All that was left was a thick, sticky mess of burdensome feelings that made him feel rather strange. Why are my emotions so severe when it comes to Chen Ying?

_{Is that how I can no longer concern myself with this matter?}
But by the time he rushed into the kitchen, Shan Haiming had already begun preparing the fish. A smart person could learn things quickly, and Shan Haiming was no different. So, despite his goal not being to dedicate himself to the mastery of culinary arts as a whole, he had made that dish so many times before he attained a journeyman level with his skills.

Is that how I can no longer concern myself with this matter?

_{After wandering around outside for a long time, it was past eight o'clock when he finally walked through the door. Tangtang and Xiaohei had both rushed out to greet him when he came in. Xiaohei was especially excited when it picked up on the scent of fish from its master's bag and even stood on its hind legs to get a good whiff.}Xiao Ning was already emotionally burnt out for the night and had no interest in carrying on any conversation whatsoever, so he just walked over to take a look in the fridge. He was hungry, but he was still not in a hurry at the moment and wasn't in the mood to bother making a side dish. It was hard to adjust the portion sizes to cook for one person. Besides, toast was a must-have at his place, so that alone was almost enough to serve as his dinner.

_{"...just listen to me." Shan Haiming put a bit of distance between them, his composed self carrying traces of smugness that made him appear less mature than his usual self as he stared at Xiao Ning. "It wasn't easy for you to grow up properly and get to where you are now, either."}
So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.

_{After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"}
Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."

After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"

_{Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."}"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"

Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."

_{Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."}Shan Haiming never asked Xiao Ning if he had blamed Chen Ying for abandoning him back then and showing zero concern for him during all the years since. The answer would obviously be yes, without question. Because even though the adult Xiao Ning had no interest in blaming her, the Xiao Ning of the past would never be so open-minded.

Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."

Shan Haiming pulled away his fingers, replacing them with his breath. It looked as though he was about to touch the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, but he moved away to roam near Xiao Ning instead. "I told you this is not a big deal in the slightest..."

_{{Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?}}The atmosphere changed in an instant at his words; the laughter that just lifted his mood was now all gone, without a trace to be seen. All that was left was a thick, sticky mess of burdensome feelings that made him feel rather strange. Why are my emotions so severe when it comes to Chen Ying?

Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

_{Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."}"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"

Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."

_{Xiao Ning was stunned momentarily.}Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

Xiao Ning was stunned momentarily.

_{Xiao Ning lowered his head and sighed, then asked without warning, "Haiming, have you ever blamed Shan Haihong?"}
"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

Xiao Ning lowered his head and sighed, then asked without warning, "Haiming, have you ever blamed Shan Haihong?"

_{Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?}
"Oh, okay..."

Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

_{"It's over already?" Shan Haiming spoke up from his relaxed position on the sofa, breaking his attention away from the television. Xiao Ning was stunned for a bit, not expecting to see him, then replied, "Yeah. There was not much to discuss. But didn't you say you had plans for tonight?"}The age-old conundrum blindsided Xiao Ning, making him want to laugh reflexively but also restrain it. So, his current expression was rather peculiar as a result of these conflicting emotions. "But I can't even swim."

_{As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.}Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

_{His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.}Xiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.

His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.

_{Xiao Ning was already emotionally burnt out for the night and had no interest in carrying on any conversation whatsoever, so he just walked over to take a look in the fridge. He was hungry, but he was still not in a hurry at the moment and wasn't in the mood to bother making a side dish.}
"Hurry up." Shan Haiming put the bag of ingredients off to the side, then spoke in his usually sarcastic tone, though it did carry traces of a laugh, albeit a helpless one. "It's so late, yet you still want to eat squirrel-tailed fish, huh? It looks like you've finally learned to act a bit *spoiled."

Xiao Ning was already emotionally burnt out for the night and had no interest in carrying on any conversation whatsoever, so he just walked over to take a look in the fridge. He was hungry, but he was still not in a hurry at the moment and wasn't in the mood to bother making a side dish. It was hard to adjust the portion sizes to cook for one person. Besides, toast was a must-have at his place, so that alone was almost enough to serve as his dinner.

_{Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.}Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."

Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

_{{Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?}}"Hurry up." Shan Haiming put the bag of ingredients off to the side, then spoke in his usually sarcastic tone, though it did carry traces of a laugh, albeit a helpless one. "It's so late, yet you still want to eat squirrel-tailed fish, huh? It looks like you've finally learned to act a bit *spoiled."

Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

_{Xiao Ning was stunned momentarily.}
Xiao Ning: "...I'll go and be back quick."

Xiao Ning was stunned momentarily.

_{Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.}
The shop located right across from their apartment building sold all the things they needed, so Xiao Ning was able to run down to buy the sugar and ketchup and then return in half the usual time. Seeing him in such a rush made Shan Haiming chuckle as he said teasingly, "Do you want to eat it that badly?"

Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.

_{Xiao Ning: "...?"}
Xiao Ning was left speechless.

Xiao Ning: "...?"

_{"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."}His question was both abrupt and rude, but Shan Haiming did so much as bat an eye at it, still as unperturbed as ever as he replied. "Do I look like a saint to you? I wanted to beat the crap out of him a few times as a kid."

"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

_{"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.}Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.

_{Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."}
Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."

_{"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.}Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

_{His question was both abrupt and rude, but Shan Haiming did so much as bat an eye at it, still as unperturbed as ever as he replied. "Do I look like a saint to you? I wanted to beat the crap out of him a few times as a kid."}Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.

His question was both abrupt and rude, but Shan Haiming did so much as bat an eye at it, still as unperturbed as ever as he replied. "Do I look like a saint to you? I wanted to beat the crap out of him a few times as a kid."

_{Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"}The shop located right across from their apartment building sold all the things they needed, so Xiao Ning was able to run down to buy the sugar and ketchup and then return in half the usual time. Seeing him in such a rush made Shan Haiming chuckle as he said teasingly, "Do you want to eat it that badly?"

Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

_{But these, despite being spoken to Shan Haiming, seemed to have been spoken more in an attempt to convince himself.}
Xiao Ning was already emotionally burnt out for the night and had no interest in carrying on any conversation whatsoever, so he just walked over to take a look in the fridge. He was hungry, but he was still not in a hurry at the moment and wasn't in the mood to bother making a side dish. It was hard to adjust the portion sizes to cook for one person. Besides, toast was a must-have at his place, so that alone was almost enough to serve as his dinner.

But these, despite being spoken to Shan Haiming, seemed to have been spoken more in an attempt to convince himself.

_{"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"}Shan Haiming pulled away his fingers, replacing them with his breath. It looked as though he was about to touch the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, but he moved away to roam near Xiao Ning instead. "I told you this is not a big deal in the slightest..."

_{After saying this, he took the fish and headed straight for the kitchen.}People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.

After saying this, he took the fish and headed straight for the kitchen.

_{"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.}
Practice had perfected Shan Haiming's skills, and thus, the fish he prepared had made it to the table rather quickly. The mix of that wonderfully sweet and sour aroma had again aroused Xiao Ning's appetite and made him unable to wait to devour that fish on his toast.

"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.

_{Shan Haiming moved to snap his fingers in the face of the absentminded Xiao Ning to steal back his attention while a faint smile hung on his face. "You truly are the epitome of the saying, being tolerant of others while being strict with yourself."}
People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.

Shan Haiming moved to snap his fingers in the face of the absentminded Xiao Ning to steal back his attention while a faint smile hung on his face. "You truly are the epitome of the saying, being tolerant of others while being strict with yourself."

_{Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.}But by the time he rushed into the kitchen, Shan Haiming had already begun preparing the fish. A smart person could learn things quickly, and Shan Haiming was no different. So, despite his goal not being to dedicate himself to the mastery of culinary arts as a whole, he had made that dish so many times before he attained a journeyman level with his skills.

Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.

_{But by the time he rushed into the kitchen, Shan Haiming had already begun preparing the fish. A smart person could learn things quickly, and Shan Haiming was no different. So, despite his goal not being to dedicate himself to the mastery of culinary arts as a whole, he had made that dish so many times before he attained a journeyman level with his skills.}"It's over already?" Shan Haiming spoke up from his relaxed position on the sofa, breaking his attention away from the television. Xiao Ning was stunned for a bit, not expecting to see him, then replied, "Yeah. There was not much to discuss. But didn't you say you had plans for tonight?"

But by the time he rushed into the kitchen, Shan Haiming had already begun preparing the fish. A smart person could learn things quickly, and Shan Haiming was no different. So, despite his goal not being to dedicate himself to the mastery of culinary arts as a whole, he had made that dish so many times before he attained a journeyman level with his skills.

_{The age-old conundrum blindsided Xiao Ning, making him want to laugh reflexively but also restrain it. So, his current expression was rather peculiar as a result of these conflicting emotions. "But I can't even swim."}Let's just head home first. Xiao Ning rubbed his temples. Even if Shan Haiming wasn't home yet, Tangtang was still there, along with Xiaohei.

The age-old conundrum blindsided Xiao Ning, making him want to laugh reflexively but also restrain it. So, his current expression was rather peculiar as a result of these conflicting emotions. "But I can't even swim."

_{Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."}
Comfort radiated throughout Xiao Ning's heart and stomach as he consumed that fish. The fish he bought was not large, and the head and tail were both removed. He alone was able to finish the whole thing off while Shan Haiming sat across from him and stared as if unspoken words were filling Xiao Ning's face and movements.

Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

_{Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.}Xiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.

Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

_{So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.}Xiao Ning was left speechless.

So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.

_{Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.}
After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"

Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.

_{Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."}After Xiao Ning had polished off his late-night dinner, Shan Haiming rested his chin on his palm and asked, "So, how did it go?"

Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."

_{Xiao Ning: "...I'll go and be back quick."}
The feeling of a full stomach had slowed down Xiao Ning's mental faculties a bit, so the second the question was asked, Xiao Ning froze with a look on his face that was very clearly trying to come up with a way to evade answering.

Xiao Ning: "...I'll go and be back quick."

_{"Oh, okay..."}
Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

"Oh, okay..."

_{Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.}Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"

_{"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"}Xiao Ning was already emotionally burnt out for the night and had no interest in carrying on any conversation whatsoever, so he just walked over to take a look in the fridge. He was hungry, but he was still not in a hurry at the moment and wasn't in the mood to bother making a side dish. It was hard to adjust the portion sizes to cook for one person. Besides, toast was a must-have at his place, so that alone was almost enough to serve as his dinner.

"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"

_{Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"}Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?

_{Xiao Ning lowered his head and sighed, then asked without warning, "Haiming, have you ever blamed Shan Haihong?"}Shan Haiming moved to snap his fingers in the face of the absentminded Xiao Ning to steal back his attention while a faint smile hung on his face. "You truly are the epitome of the saying, being tolerant of others while being strict with yourself."

Xiao Ning lowered his head and sighed, then asked without warning, "Haiming, have you ever blamed Shan Haihong?"

_{"Then... I'll go buy some at the shop downstairs, yeah?" Xiao Ning replied.}
Xiao Ning: "...?"

"Then... I'll go buy some at the shop downstairs, yeah?" Xiao Ning replied.

_{"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.}Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.

"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.

_{Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"}Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."

Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"

_{You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.}
The age-old conundrum blindsided Xiao Ning, making him want to laugh reflexively but also restrain it. So, his current expression was rather peculiar as a result of these conflicting emotions. "But I can't even swim."

You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.

_{The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"}"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"

_{{Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?}}"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"

Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?

_{After saying this, he took the fish and headed straight for the kitchen.}
"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"

After saying this, he took the fish and headed straight for the kitchen.

_{Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"}Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

_{Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."}
"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."

Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."

_{Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.}
The atmosphere changed in an instant at his words; the laughter that just lifted his mood was now all gone, without a trace to be seen. All that was left was a thick, sticky mess of burdensome feelings that made him feel rather strange. Why are my emotions so severe when it comes to Chen Ying?

Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.

_{Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.}After wandering around outside for a long time, it was past eight o'clock when he finally walked through the door. Tangtang and Xiaohei had both rushed out to greet him when he came in. Xiaohei was especially excited when it picked up on the scent of fish from its master's bag and even stood on its hind legs to get a good whiff.

Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.

_{So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.}"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.

So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.

_{Xiao Ning gave his head a shake. If it were the him from before, he wouldn't think about this matter and would just do his all to avoid it until a choice was passively made.}
Xiao Ning lowered his head and sighed, then asked without warning, "Haiming, have you ever blamed Shan Haihong?"

Xiao Ning gave his head a shake. If it were the him from before, he wouldn't think about this matter and would just do his all to avoid it until a choice was passively made.

_{"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"}The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"

"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"

_{Xiao Ning was already emotionally burnt out for the night and had no interest in carrying on any conversation whatsoever, so he just walked over to take a look in the fridge. He was hungry, but he was still not in a hurry at the moment and wasn't in the mood to bother making a side dish.}"When she started talking about a lot of things that happened when I was little, I couldn't remember some of them all that much." The resentment from his childhood years seemed to have been creeping towards him until this day, changing Xiao Ning into someone who couldn't understand—and one he did not like. He was already an adult. He was long-grown. He was no longer that gloomy and miserable kid.

_{As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.}
His question was both abrupt and rude, but Shan Haiming did so much as bat an eye at it, still as unperturbed as ever as he replied. "Do I look like a saint to you? I wanted to beat the crap out of him a few times as a kid."

As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

_{As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.}Afraid

As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

_{Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."}
'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.' This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."

Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."

_{"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."}Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"

"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."

_{Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?}
"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"

Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?

_{Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."}His question was both abrupt and rude, but Shan Haiming did so much as bat an eye at it, still as unperturbed as ever as he replied. "Do I look like a saint to you? I wanted to beat the crap out of him a few times as a kid."

Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."

_{Shan Haiming had guessed to a certain degree that this was the issue that bothered him, and so he replied, "To forgive Chen Ying or not is something to be done at your discretion."}Shan Haiming then spoke up, saying, "We're out of sugar."

Shan Haiming had guessed to a certain degree that this was the issue that bothered him, and so he replied, "To forgive Chen Ying or not is something to be done at your discretion."

_{The age-old conundrum blindsided Xiao Ning, making him want to laugh reflexively but also restrain it. So, his current expression was rather peculiar as a result of these conflicting emotions. "But I can't even swim."}
As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

Shan Haiming had guessed to a certain degree that this was the issue that bothered him, and so he replied, "To forgive Chen Ying or not is something to be done at your discretion."

_{Before, Xiao Ning thought all this was nothing but a thing of the past—something that would have no effect on his current life. But just this meeting with Chen Ying had clearly refuted this formerly held self-righteous belief.}
Shan Haiming never asked Xiao Ning if he had blamed Chen Ying for abandoning him back then and showing zero concern for him during all the years since. The answer would obviously be yes, without question. Because even though the adult Xiao Ning had no interest in blaming her, the Xiao Ning of the past would never be so open-minded.

Before, Xiao Ning thought all this was nothing but a thing of the past—something that would have no effect on his current life. But just this meeting with Chen Ying had clearly refuted this formerly held self-righteous belief.

_{The age-old conundrum blindsided Xiao Ning, making him want to laugh reflexively but also restrain it. So, his current expression was rather peculiar as a result of these conflicting emotions. "But I can't even swim."}"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

_{iana: This *spoiled here also means "trouble," but in a good way. In couples, a "troublesome" girlfriend can engage in a bit of attention-seeking behaviour to keep the romance "fresh" (not my words). So, with Haiming's habit of calling him troublesome (the other one that makes you want to sigh at a person and hug them), this one is the troublesome one that makes you think: you little minx.}
"When she started talking about a lot of things that happened when I was little, I couldn't remember some of them all that much." The resentment from his childhood years seemed to have been creeping towards him until this day, changing Xiao Ning into someone who couldn't understand—and one he did not like. He was already an adult. He was long-grown. He was no longer that gloomy and miserable kid.

iana: This *spoiled here also means "trouble," but in a good way. In couples, a "troublesome" girlfriend can engage in a bit of attention-seeking behaviour to keep the romance "fresh" (not my words). So, with Haiming's habit of calling him troublesome (the other one that makes you want to sigh at a person and hug them), this one is the troublesome one that makes you think: you little minx.

_{"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"}"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

_{Seeing this pitiful and introspective manner of Xiao Ning's that left him at a loss, Shan Haiming wished to take him into his arms and make every inch of him breathless, so the coaxing tone in his voice couldn't be helped. "It's nothing but a choice of A or B.}
"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.

Seeing this pitiful and introspective manner of Xiao Ning's that left him at a loss, Shan Haiming wished to take him into his arms and make every inch of him breathless, so the coaxing tone in his voice couldn't be helped. "It's nothing but a choice of A or B. It's as simple as that, and you don't need to worry about anything else beyond it. Once you choose, you won't have to be stuck on all this any longer, alright?"

_{But these, despite being spoken to Shan Haiming, seemed to have been spoken more in an attempt to convince himself.}The atmosphere changed in an instant at his words; the laughter that just lifted his mood was now all gone, without a trace to be seen. All that was left was a thick, sticky mess of burdensome feelings that made him feel rather strange. Why are my emotions so severe when it comes to Chen Ying?

But these, despite being spoken to Shan Haiming, seemed to have been spoken more in an attempt to convince himself.

_{"When she started talking about a lot of things that happened when I was little, I couldn't remember some of them all that much." The resentment from his childhood years seemed to have been creeping towards him until this day, changing Xiao Ning into someone who couldn't understand—and one he did not like. He was already an adult. He was long-grown. He was no longer that gloomy and miserable kid.}
But these, despite being spoken to Shan Haiming, seemed to have been spoken more in an attempt to convince himself.

"When she started talking about a lot of things that happened when I was little, I couldn't remember some of them all that much." The resentment from his childhood years seemed to have been creeping towards him until this day, changing Xiao Ning into someone who couldn't understand—and one he did not like. He was already an adult. He was long-grown. He was no longer that gloomy and miserable kid.

_{After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?}
Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."

After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?

_{Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."}Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.

Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."

_{His question was both abrupt and rude, but Shan Haiming did so much as bat an eye at it, still as unperturbed as ever as he replied. "Do I look like a saint to you? I wanted to beat the crap out of him a few times as a kid."}The shop located right across from their apartment building sold all the things they needed, so Xiao Ning was able to run down to buy the sugar and ketchup and then return in half the usual time. Seeing him in such a rush made Shan Haiming chuckle as he said teasingly, "Do you want to eat it that badly?"

Shan Haiming had guessed to a certain degree that this was the issue that bothered him, and so he replied, "To forgive Chen Ying or not is something to be done at your discretion."

_{Let's just head home first. Xiao Ning rubbed his temples. Even if Shan Haiming wasn't home yet, Tangtang was still there, along with Xiaohei.}
Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."

Let's just head home first. Xiao Ning rubbed his temples. Even if Shan Haiming wasn't home yet, Tangtang was still there, along with Xiaohei.

_{Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."}Before, Xiao Ning thought all this was nothing but a thing of the past—something that would have no effect on his current life. But just this meeting with Chen Ying had clearly refuted this formerly held self-righteous belief.

Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."

_{As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.}"...just listen to me." Shan Haiming put a bit of distance between them, his composed self carrying traces of smugness that made him appear less mature than his usual self as he stared at Xiao Ning. "It wasn't easy for you to grow up properly and get to where you are now, either."

As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

_Afraid
Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.

Afraid

_{"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.}
Shan Haiming moved to snap his fingers in the face of the absentminded Xiao Ning to steal back his attention while a faint smile hung on his face. "You truly are the epitome of the saying, being tolerant of others while being strict with yourself."

"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.

_{Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.}"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."

Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.

_{The warm and ticklish breath was now beside his ear, and at that instant, Xiao Ning didn't move an inch, while all the troubles that had muddled his thoughts were now long forgotten. His face flushed with a heat so hot it made even the tips of his ears turn crimson, and that especially sensitive place was now held between that man's teeth so firmly, so lightly, that it almost made Xiao Ning jump out of his seat.}"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"

The warm and ticklish breath was now beside his ear, and at that instant, Xiao Ning didn't move an inch, while all the troubles that had muddled his thoughts were now long forgotten. His face flushed with a heat so hot it made even the tips of his ears turn crimson, and that especially sensitive place was now held between that man's teeth so firmly, so lightly, that it almost made Xiao Ning jump out of his seat.

_{"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.}Xiao Ning said nothing to deny this and slowly added, "B-before... when I was with her, she was crying. But seeing her tears actually made me feel happy—like, really happy."

"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

_{Xiao Ning tilted his head to the side to look at that guy's unbothered appearance, unable to stop the snort from leaving him as he replied, "Sometimes it really feels like you think you are the older one between us. Did you already forget that you're the one who's a few years younger than me?"}
You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.

Xiao Ning tilted his head to the side to look at that guy's unbothered appearance, unable to stop the snort from leaving him as he replied, "Sometimes it really feels like you think you are the older one between us. Did you already forget that you're the one who's a few years younger than me?"

_{The feeling of a full stomach had slowed down Xiao Ning's mental faculties a bit, so the second the question was asked, Xiao Ning froze with a look on his face that was very clearly trying to come up with a way to evade answering.}People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.

The feeling of a full stomach had slowed down Xiao Ning's mental faculties a bit, so the second the question was asked, Xiao Ning froze with a look on his face that was very clearly trying to come up with a way to evade answering.

"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"

_{The warm and ticklish breath was now beside his ear, and at that instant, Xiao Ning didn't move an inch, while all the troubles that had muddled his thoughts were now long forgotten. His face flushed with a heat so hot it made even the tips of his ears turn crimson, and that especially sensitive place was now held between that man's teeth so firmly, so lightly, that it almost made Xiao Ning jump out of his seat.}People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.

_N/A
"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"

N/A

_{Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."}So when Xiao Ning caught sight of him at that moment, he no longer had the desire to tell that busy man he was only planning to throw together a quick meal with that fish.

Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."

_{{Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?}}Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

Weren't you the one who told me to hurry up?

_{Shan Haiming took Xiao Ning's hand into his own before he replied unwittingly, "Perhaps she regrets what she has done to you. Regardless of whether she had aspirations or not, she did abandon you all those years ago.}
Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."

Shan Haiming took Xiao Ning's hand into his own before he replied unwittingly, "Perhaps she regrets what she has done to you. Regardless of whether she had aspirations or not, she did abandon you all those years ago. And now that she has finally gotten what she wanted, she has begun looking at her past to make her life even more perfect. Everyone does hope to have a clean conscience and past, after all."

_AfraidXiao Ning was stunned momentarily.

Afraid

_{Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.}As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

_{The atmosphere changed in an instant at his words; the laughter that just lifted his mood was now all gone, without a trace to be seen. All that was left was a thick, sticky mess of burdensome feelings that made him feel rather strange. Why are my emotions so severe when it comes to Chen Ying?}
Shan Haiming pulled away his fingers, replacing them with his breath. It looked as though he was about to touch the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, but he moved away to roam near Xiao Ning instead. "I told you this is not a big deal in the slightest..."

_{"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"}As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"

_{The feeling of a full stomach had slowed down Xiao Ning's mental faculties a bit, so the second the question was asked, Xiao Ning froze with a look on his face that was very clearly trying to come up with a way to evade answering.}Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

_{"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."}"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.

"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

_{Practice had perfected Shan Haiming's skills, and thus, the fish he prepared had made it to the table rather quickly. The mix of that wonderfully sweet and sour aroma had again aroused Xiao Ning's appetite and made him unable to wait to devour that fish on his toast.}
The warm and ticklish breath was now beside his ear, and at that instant, Xiao Ning didn't move an inch, while all the troubles that had muddled his thoughts were now long forgotten. His face flushed with a heat so hot it made even the tips of his ears turn crimson, and that especially sensitive place was now held between that man's teeth so firmly, so lightly, that it almost made Xiao Ning jump out of his seat.

Practice had perfected Shan Haiming's skills, and thus, the fish he prepared had made it to the table rather quickly. The mix of that wonderfully sweet and sour aroma had again aroused Xiao Ning's appetite and made him unable to wait to devour that fish on his toast.

_{Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "{Tsk.} So troublesome."}Shan Haiming never asked Xiao Ning if he had blamed Chen Ying for abandoning him back then and showing zero concern for him during all the years since. The answer would obviously be yes, without question. Because even though the adult Xiao Ning had no interest in blaming her, the Xiao Ning of the past would never be so open-minded.

Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

_{Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "{Tsk.} So troublesome."}"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

_{But by the time he rushed into the kitchen, Shan Haiming had already begun preparing the fish. A smart person could learn things quickly, and Shan Haiming was no different. So, despite his goal not being to dedicate himself to the mastery of culinary arts as a whole, he had made that dish so many times before he attained a journeyman level with his skills.}
"...just listen to me." Shan Haiming put a bit of distance between them, his composed self carrying traces of smugness that made him appear less mature than his usual self as he stared at Xiao Ning. "It wasn't easy for you to grow up properly and get to where you are now, either."

_{"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.}Xiao Ning gave both placating rubs one after the other in turn, then got changed out of his shoes.

"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

_{{'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.'} This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."}Is that how I can no longer concern myself with this matter?

'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.' This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."

_{"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.}
Xiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.

"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

_N/AXiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.

N/A

_{"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.}"Smile." Shan Haiming didn't retract his extended arm. Instead, he moved his fingers to press against the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, pushing them upwards slightly. "Why should it be a big deal?"

"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.

_{Shan Haiming never asked Xiao Ning if he had blamed Chen Ying for abandoning him back then and showing zero concern for him during all the years since. The answer would obviously be yes, without question. Because even though the adult Xiao Ning had no interest in blaming her, the Xiao Ning of the past would never be so open-minded.}
Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."

_{"When she started talking about a lot of things that happened when I was little, I couldn't remember some of them all that much." The resentment from his childhood years seemed to have been creeping towards him until this day, changing Xiao Ning into someone who couldn't understand—and one he did not like. He was already an adult. He was long-grown. He was no longer that gloomy and miserable kid.}His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.

_{Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."}'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.' This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."

Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."

_{His grip on the hand holding his then tightened, feeling as strong as it had always been, seeming like an anchor that held him steady as it had always done in critical moments like these.}
Xiao Ning tilted his head to the side to look at that guy's unbothered appearance, unable to stop the snort from leaving him as he replied, "Sometimes it really feels like you think you are the older one between us. Did you already forget that you're the one who's a few years younger than me?"

His grip on the hand holding his then tightened, feeling as strong as it had always been, seeming like an anchor that held him steady as it had always done in critical moments like these.

_{The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"}Shan Haiming's words weren't exactly pleasing to the ear, but Xiao Ning was long accustomed to his frankness. What's more, the simple truth was that whenever that man spoke, those words of his always helped him see everything more clearly.

_{He then pondered for a moment before cautiously asking, "Do you think... I should forgive her?"}Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

He then pondered for a moment before cautiously asking, "Do you think... I should forgive her?"

_{The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"}But these, despite being spoken to Shan Haiming, seemed to have been spoken more in an attempt to convince himself.

_{"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."}
"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.

"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."

_{He then pondered for a moment before cautiously asking, "Do you think... I should forgive her?"}
Xiao Ning had no way to refute this. Throughout his years, he had accumulated a set of principles he lived by. But after he met Shan Haiming, those were all turned into rubble.

He then pondered for a moment before cautiously asking, "Do you think... I should forgive her?"

_{Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"}The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"

Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

_{Shan Haiming pulled away his fingers, replacing them with his breath. It looked as though he was about to touch the corners of Xiao Ning's lips, but he moved away to roam near Xiao Ning instead. "I told you this is not a big deal in the slightest..."}The warm and ticklish breath was now beside his ear, and at that instant, Xiao Ning didn't move an inch, while all the troubles that had muddled his thoughts were now long forgotten. His face flushed with a heat so hot it made even the tips of his ears turn crimson, and that especially sensitive place was now held between that man's teeth so firmly, so lightly, that it almost made Xiao Ning jump out of his seat.

_{Then, before the warmth bubbling within his chest tempered, he heard Shan Haiming ask, "What are you afraid of?"}"But that was a long time ago. Before I graduated high school, at least." Shan Haiming then added unexpectedly, "Plus, getting to a place like this wasn't something I was born with; I had to learn to do so slowly like anything else. Is this what's got you so conflicted? Do you feel as though you shouldn't blame her?"

Then, before the warmth bubbling within his chest tempered, he heard Shan Haiming ask, "What are you afraid of?"

_{Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."}
He then pondered for a moment before cautiously asking, "Do you think... I should forgive her?"

Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."

_{Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.}"No matter what, she's still my mother." That was all he could say.

_{Shan Haiming's words weren't exactly pleasing to the ear, but Xiao Ning was long accustomed to his frankness. What's more, the simple truth was that whenever that man spoke, those words of his always helped him see everything more clearly.}
Shan Haiming had guessed to a certain degree that this was the issue that bothered him, and so he replied, "To forgive Chen Ying or not is something to be done at your discretion."

Shan Haiming's words weren't exactly pleasing to the ear, but Xiao Ning was long accustomed to his frankness. What's more, the simple truth was that whenever that man spoke, those words of his always helped him see everything more clearly.

_{"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.}Shan Haiming stood up and rolled up his sleeves, then said in a prickly tone, "Tsk. So troublesome."

"If your mother and I were both drowning, who would you save first?" Shan Haiming asked randomly.

_{After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. {Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?}}People were just like this. When they needed to eat, they'd eat, and when they needed to sleep, they slept. So no matter how big the problem was, these basic instincts seemed to be unsurpassable.

After he left Wenquan and was exposed to the hustling and bustling streets, Xiao Ning's mind was still a mess, and he had no sense of reality. Did I really just meet with Chen Ying?

_{"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"}
Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

"I know." Shan Haiming then lazily asked, "So, tell me. What did you two talk about?"

_{His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.}
Seeing this pitiful and introspective manner of Xiao Ning's that left him at a loss, Shan Haiming wished to take him into his arms and make every inch of him breathless, so the coaxing tone in his voice couldn't be helped. "It's nothing but a choice of A or B. It's as simple as that, and you don't need to worry about anything else beyond it. Once you choose, you won't have to be stuck on all this any longer, alright?"

His stomach was empty, yet he felt no pangs from hunger. But given the current hour, you should still put something in your stomach.

_{{You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.}}Xiao Ning, who was left in a less-than-composed state because of those teasing breaths, took a few drawn-out breaths. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, but he struggled to find the right words at that moment.

You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.

_{Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."}Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"

Xiao Ning frowned while his lips were lifted into a smile like a puppet. "But..."

_{{You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.}}'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.' This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."

You don't hold it against others if they can't do something, but when it comes to yourself not being able to do it, you get all tangled up in knots like this.

_{"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.}
Is that how I can no longer concern myself with this matter?

"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.

_{"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."}Xiao Ning: "..."

"Fish." Xiao Ning lifted his right hand. "I suddenly felt like eating fish, so I went to the supermarket to buy one."

_{'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.' This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."}
Before, Xiao Ning thought all this was nothing but a thing of the past—something that would have no effect on his current life. But just this meeting with Chen Ying had clearly refuted this formerly held self-righteous belief.

'Crap, I asked a question that shouldn't be asked. I need to apologise.' This was the expression on Xiao Ning's face as he then stammered out, "I-I-I never thought—I thought..."

_{Xiao Ning couldn't accept this reaction of his. It made him feel scared—genuinely so. His resentment didn't even feel like a part of him—it felt distant, like it belonged to a stranger. It made him wonder how such a being could return to him in a manner that was so light and swift.}Shan Haiming now rested an elbow on the table to prop himself up before adding, "What are you thinking about? Tell me."

_{Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."}
It would have been better if Chen Ying had never come looking for me.

Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."

_AfraidXiao Ning gave his head a shake. If it were the him from before, he wouldn't think about this matter and would just do his all to avoid it until a choice was passively made.

Afraid

_{Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."}Then, before the warmth bubbling within his chest tempered, he heard Shan Haiming ask, "What are you afraid of?"

Xiao Ning smiled after the fact, replying, "No, that's not..."

_{The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"}
The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"

_{The shop located right across from their apartment building sold all the things they needed, so Xiao Ning was able to run down to buy the sugar and ketchup and then return in half the usual time. Seeing him in such a rush made Shan Haiming chuckle as he said teasingly, "Do you want to eat it that badly?"}
Shan Haiming took Xiao Ning's hand into his own before he replied unwittingly, "Perhaps she regrets what she has done to you. Regardless of whether she had aspirations or not, she did abandon you all those years ago. And now that she has finally gotten what she wanted, she has begun looking at her past to make her life even more perfect. Everyone does hope to have a clean conscience and past, after all."

The shop located right across from their apartment building sold all the things they needed, so Xiao Ning was able to run down to buy the sugar and ketchup and then return in half the usual time. Seeing him in such a rush made Shan Haiming chuckle as he said teasingly, "Do you want to eat it that badly?"

_{Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."}
Shan Haiming's words weren't exactly pleasing to the ear, but Xiao Ning was long accustomed to his frankness. What's more, the simple truth was that whenever that man spoke, those words of his always helped him see everything more clearly.

Shan Haiming then summarised, "So forgiving her leaves you with a reluctant feeling, and not forgiving her makes you feel guilty."

_{{Let's just head home first.} Xiao Ning rubbed his temples. Even if Shan Haiming wasn't home yet, Tangtang was still there, along with Xiaohei.}After saying this, he took the fish and headed straight for the kitchen.

Let's just head home first. Xiao Ning rubbed his temples. Even if Shan Haiming wasn't home yet, Tangtang was still there, along with Xiaohei.

_{Xiao Ning was stunned momentarily.}Seeing this pitiful and introspective manner of Xiao Ning's that left him at a loss, Shan Haiming wished to take him into his arms and make every inch of him breathless, so the coaxing tone in his voice couldn't be helped. "It's nothing but a choice of A or B. It's as simple as that, and you don't need to worry about anything else beyond it. Once you choose, you won't have to be stuck on all this any longer, alright?"

Xiao Ning was stunned momentarily.

_{"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."}As always, Shan Haiming's ability to get straight to the heart of his issues. Sometimes he even did so before he could pinpoint his own feelings.

"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning chuckled mid-sentence before continuing, "She... she wants me to forgive her."

_{Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"}
Xiao Ning gave his head a shake. If it were the him from before, he wouldn't think about this matter and would just do his all to avoid it until a choice was passively made.

Shan Haiming didn't answer, glancing towards the plastic bag in his hand instead, before asking, "What's in your hand?"

_{Xiao Ning was left speechless.}Shan Haiming moved to snap his fingers in the face of the absentminded Xiao Ning to steal back his attention while a faint smile hung on his face. "You truly are the epitome of the saying, being tolerant of others while being strict with yourself."

Xiao Ning was left speechless.

_{"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.}iana: This *spoiled here also means "trouble," but in a good way. In couples, a "troublesome" girlfriend can engage in a bit of attention-seeking behaviour to keep the romance "fresh" (not my words). So, with Haiming's habit of calling him troublesome (the other one that makes you want to sigh at a person and hug them), this one is the troublesome one that makes you think: you little minx.

"What's the point when it's only on the outside, in physical years alone?" Shan Haiming short right back Xiao Ning without mercy.

_{Comfort radiated throughout Xiao Ning's heart and stomach as he consumed that fish. The fish he bought was not large, and the head and tail were both removed. He alone was able to finish the whole thing off while Shan Haiming sat across from him and stared as if unspoken words were filling Xiao Ning's face and movements.}
His grip on the hand holding his then tightened, feeling as strong as it had always been, seeming like an anchor that held him steady as it had always done in critical moments like these.

_{Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"}
Then, before the warmth bubbling within his chest tempered, he heard Shan Haiming ask, "What are you afraid of?"

Shan Haiming lifted his brows upon seeing this reaction, asking further, "Is it something too difficult to talk about?"

_{Xiao Ning was left speechless.}Why did he just talk like I said I wanted to eat his squirrel-tailed fish?

Xiao Ning was left speechless.

_{Xiao Ning: "...I'll go and be back quick."}Xiao Ning's lips curled upwards out of habit, clearly seeming to have not listened to those words.

Xiao Ning: "...I'll go and be back quick."

_{"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.}The irritation, tinged with fear, he felt at that moment was indescribable and enough to cause him to choke back the sigh threatening to escape before he asked, "But what's the point for her to wait until now to do all this?"

"We need ketchup too," Shan Haiming added as he looked through the ingredients bought by Xiao Ning earlier.

Author's Note:

N/A

The Long Road Ahead: C56

Afraid

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