The Long Road Ahead: C55

The Meeting

This novel was posted on cntranslations [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)

_{Even now, he still couldn't figure out how to deal with Chen Ying. It had always been vague how he was supposed to tackle such a task.}
Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.

Even now, he still couldn't figure out how to deal with Chen Ying. It had always been vague how he was supposed to tackle such a task. When questioned, he would simply reply with a few sentences, following the pattern of being rational, reasonable, and managing to maintain a calm demeanour. But having actually met her, inside his heart was nothing but a downpour of heavy snow, blotting out all traces of light—filling him with confusion and frost as he searched around in that chaos of darkness.

_{But if he has to tell her she had done nothing wrong back then, if he had to speak those words, him seeing a close relative in pain right in front of him and turning his back to them is not the wrong thing to do now, too.}The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories. The mother in his memories was never this refined or beautiful. That woman was always frowning and carried an air that she was fed up with everything around her. She was not at all like the woman there today who was smiling right before his eyes.

But if he has to tell her she had done nothing wrong back then, if he had to speak those words, him seeing a close relative in pain right in front of him and turning his back to them is not the wrong thing to do now, too.

_{Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.}Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

_{Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."}
The way they sent and returned messages made them look like ordinary friends.

Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

_{Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.}He would never forgive her, no matter what.

Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.

_{He had said nothing in response to her words, so Chen Ying had to continue speaking. "After I left, the reason I didn't dare contact you was because I was scared I would return and do anything in my power to find you. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't live that kind of life any more. I'm sorry, Ningning. I still thought about you every day."}This couldn't be a case of mistaken identity, could it?

He had said nothing in response to her words, so Chen Ying had to continue speaking. "After I left, the reason I didn't dare contact you was because I was scared I would return and do anything in my power to find you. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't live that kind of life any more. I'm sorry, Ningning. I still thought about you every day."

_{Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.}
As for Xiao Ning's current state of mind, he was still as calm as ever. As a matter of fact, he was so calm that it had even left him surprised. He was neither itching with excitement nor overwhelmed by nerves. He left work, bought his ticket, and then got off at his stop to find that place.

Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.

_{Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.}Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"

Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

_{The sound of the door being knocked had captured her attention, so at the moment Xiao Ning had walked in, she was looking behind her. The moment she saw Xiao Ning, it was obvious that her emotions were somewhat stirred. But it had only been shown through her beaming smile and the hands clasped on her knees.}
Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.

The sound of the door being knocked had captured her attention, so at the moment Xiao Ning had walked in, she was looking behind her. The moment she saw Xiao Ning, it was obvious that her emotions were somewhat stirred. But it had only been shown through her beaming smile and the hands clasped on her knees.

_{Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.}"Ningning?" Chen Ying asked with reddened eyes.

Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

The faint tune of string instruments filled the atmosphere, giving it all a very soothing vibe. He walked over to ask for the room number for his reservation, and a waitress wearing a white and blue cheongsam politely led him to the elevator and took him to the second floor.

_{Xiao Ning remained silent, unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he simply replied with a laugh, "I was too young back then."}
The faint tune of string instruments filled the atmosphere, giving it all a very soothing vibe. He walked over to ask for the room number for his reservation, and a waitress wearing a white and blue cheongsam politely led him to the elevator and took him to the second floor.

Xiao Ning remained silent, unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he simply replied with a laugh, "I was too young back then."

_{The peace that was kept due to the indifference he held throughout these events had now come crashing down with a thunderous roar, as if it had never existed to begin with. The world was now nothing but a place dusted in a dull, pale, gloom-inducing coat of ash.}
The private room Chen Ying reserved was all the way at the end of the hall, and perhaps it was on account of the silence as he threaded over the thick carpet, but Xiao Ning felt as though it was all a bit surreal.

The peace that was kept due to the indifference he held throughout these events had now come crashing down with a thunderous roar, as if it had never existed to begin with. The world was now nothing but a place dusted in a dull, pale, gloom-inducing coat of ash. It was the same colour as the sky on the day Chen Ying left him that winter. The same colour as the wall facing the terribly narrow bed, he had a Xiao Suling's. That same colour, nobody else but him could see.

_{But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."}He had said nothing in response to her words, so Chen Ying had to continue speaking. "After I left, the reason I didn't dare contact you was because I was scared I would return and do anything in my power to find you. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't live that kind of life any more. I'm sorry, Ningning. I still thought about you every day."

But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

_{She deserves it.}
When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.

She deserves it.

_{The adult Xiao Ning frowned. Even thinking about these now still made him feel uncomfortable. His gaze now fell as he avoided looking at Chen Ying in the eyes, and it so happened to land on her hands. They were certainly hands that had never done any housework in a long time. The heaviest thing she had possibly ever carried might have been a purse.}Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.

The adult Xiao Ning frowned. Even thinking about these now still made him feel uncomfortable. His gaze now fell as he avoided looking at Chen Ying in the eyes, and it so happened to land on her hands. They were certainly hands that had never done any housework in a long time. The heaviest thing she had possibly ever carried might have been a purse.

_{He saw Chen Ying was terribly shaken and wanted him to stay but wasn't sure what she should do. But the memories of the ten-to-sixteen-year-old him flooded his mind. Those had been the most difficult years of his life, the period in which it became resoundingly clear his mother would never return for him and where he had thought about her the most.}
Xiao Ning gave her his thanks, then turned his body to the side to enter, with the waitress following him from behind.

He saw Chen Ying was terribly shaken and wanted him to stay but wasn't sure what she should do. But the memories of the ten-to-sixteen-year-old him flooded his mind. Those had been the most difficult years of his life, the period in which it became resoundingly clear his mother would never return for him and where he had thought about her the most.

_{The instant such a question popped into his mind, he almost asked it out loud. But, thankfully, his senses had returned, and he couldn't help but be grateful he didn't ask such an impolite thing.}But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

The instant such a question popped into his mind, he almost asked it out loud. But, thankfully, his senses had returned, and he couldn't help but be grateful he didn't ask such an impolite thing.

_{She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.}Xiao Ning wanted to tell her there was no need to be so polite, but he felt somewhat drained. It was as though someone had smeared a thin layer of glue on his face that made even the slightest effort on his part feel stiff. He couldn't so much as muster the strength to speak a single word, so he only kept looking on quietly as Chen Ying spoke. He couldn't meet that woman's eyes either, his gaze finding a place lower to settle on, and only being broken by the slowest of blinks.

She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.

_{This couldn't be a case of mistaken identity, could it?}
The room was quite large—large enough to host a tea party with ease. Xiao then saw Chen Ying sitting gracefully by the window. Her hands were interlocked on her knees, and it was clear she knew how to highlight her feminine strengths. The angle at which she tilted her head was perfect for making her appear pretty and gentle.

This couldn't be a case of mistaken identity, could it?

_{Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."}Xiao Ning was dazed for a moment, feeling that regardless of the situation, he should at least be the first to speak as a man. "Hello."

Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

_{iana: She really is something.}The sound of the door being knocked had captured her attention, so at the moment Xiao Ning had walked in, she was looking behind her. The moment she saw Xiao Ning, it was obvious that her emotions were somewhat stirred. But it had only been shown through her beaming smile and the hands clasped on her knees.

iana: She really is something.

_{The sound of the door being knocked had captured her attention, so at the moment Xiao Ning had walked in, she was looking behind her. The moment she saw Xiao Ning, it was obvious that her emotions were somewhat stirred. But it had only been shown through her beaming smile and the hands clasped on her knees.}Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

_{Xiao Ning gave her his thanks, then turned his body to the side to enter, with the waitress following him from behind.}
The sound of the door being knocked had captured her attention, so at the moment Xiao Ning had walked in, she was looking behind her. The moment she saw Xiao Ning, it was obvious that her emotions were somewhat stirred. But it had only been shown through her beaming smile and the hands clasped on her knees.

Xiao Ning gave her his thanks, then turned his body to the side to enter, with the waitress following him from behind.

_{The adult Xiao Ning frowned. Even thinking about these now still made him feel uncomfortable. His gaze now fell as he avoided looking at Chen Ying in the eyes, and it so happened to land on her hands. They were certainly hands that had never done any housework in a long time. The heaviest thing she had possibly ever carried might have been a purse.}He was twenty-seven now, and if not for Chen Ying's re-emergence, if not for her being before him right now, he would've never recalled such a ridiculous thing.

_{Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.}
Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"

Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.

_{Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.}Xiao Ning sat there quietly as he listened to her, his wandering mind attempting to piece together his sealed-up past. There was not a young child who wouldn't feel love for their mother, and the same was true for Xiao Ning, even though the mother he had was never close to him, never played with him, and spent every day ignoring him as if there was something else always on her mind. Xiao Ning recalled how eager he was back then to get closer to Chen Ying. He also recalled that what scared him the most was when Chen Ying and Lishen would quarrel. His wee heart would shatter like it was the end of the world when that happened, and while the two adults were at each other's throats, he would scream his little lungs out as it was all his helplessly scared self could do.

Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

_{But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."}Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

_{The Meeting}Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."

The Meeting

_{Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.}
Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."

Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

_{There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.}"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"

There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.

_{The way they sent and returned messages made them look like ordinary friends.}
There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.

The way they sent and returned messages made them look like ordinary friends.

_N/AShe may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.

N/A

_{Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."}
The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories. The mother in his memories was never this refined or beautiful. That woman was always frowning and carried an air that she was fed up with everything around her. She was not at all like the woman there today who was smiling right before his eyes.

Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."

_{But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."}Xiao Ning gave her his thanks, then turned his body to the side to enter, with the waitress following him from behind.

But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

_{The Meeting}
Have I ever seen her laugh?

The Meeting

_{Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.}
Xiao Ning was dazed for a moment, feeling that regardless of the situation, he should at least be the first to speak as a man. "Hello."

Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.

_{Xiao Ning was dazed for a moment, feeling that regardless of the situation, he should at least be the first to speak as a man. "Hello."}
Such a polite and distant greeting had possibly given Chen Ying a shock because that genial smile she had worn as if they were on intimate terms had cracked a bit when she heard him. "Ningning, do you still remember Mama?"

Xiao Ning was dazed for a moment, feeling that regardless of the situation, he should at least be the first to speak as a man. "Hello."

_{Chen Ying went on, her topic of conversation focused on his childhood, with her carefully avoiding any mention of Xiao Lishen. "That day I bought you five balloons in a row, but you weren't careful, so all of them burst. I had no other choice, in the end, but to buy you a ball, and no matter what you did to it, it didn't pop. You were so happy after that."}Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.

Chen Ying went on, her topic of conversation focused on his childhood, with her carefully avoiding any mention of Xiao Lishen. "That day I bought you five balloons in a row, but you weren't careful, so all of them burst. I had no other choice, in the end, but to buy you a ball, and no matter what you did to it, it didn't pop. You were so happy after that."

_{Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."}But those words couldn't make it past his lips. It was like there was an intense sense of incongruity in his feelings that had locked up his throat, as if both a ball of fire and one of ice were simultaneously trying to force their way out of his chest! The sight of the crying woman before him made him rather uncomfortable. But at the same time, there was another emotion welling deep within. It rose like the bubbles from a fizzy drink, pushing its way faster and higher from his internal abyss, growing larger with each passing second, where each and every tremor from its fragmentation struck Xiao Ning with an alarming feeling. It was as though he was slapped in the face and had to deal with that stinging sensation and shame.

Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

_{He had said nothing in response to her words, so Chen Ying had to continue speaking. "After I left, the reason I didn't dare contact you was because I was scared I would return and do anything in my power to find you. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't live that kind of life any more. I'm sorry, Ningning. I still thought about you every day."}Xiao Ning closed his eyes, revealing a soft smile, while his voice was clear and light. "It's all in the past now. There's no need for you to trouble your heart."

_{When she spoke this last sentence, her voice trembled and abruptly stopped. She then tried her best to restrain her emotions, reaching out to drink a sip of tea.}
She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.

When she spoke this last sentence, her voice trembled and abruptly stopped. She then tried her best to restrain her emotions, reaching out to drink a sip of tea. Her beautiful face was now etched with a frail expression that would draw a sentiment of concern from anyone who saw it. She only stared at the cup for a moment, and soon her emotions settled once more. She then wore a soft smile as she began speaking again. "I remember that your favourite dish is fish. But you weren't careful when you ate it, so you'd always get pierced by the bones. Someone recommended a place nearby that makes some especially delicious fish-based dishes. Let's head there later."

_{I was too young back then.}
Xiao Ning remained silent, unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he simply replied with a laugh, "I was too young back then."

I was too young back then.

_{When she spoke this last sentence, her voice trembled and abruptly stopped. She then tried her best to restrain her emotions, reaching out to drink a sip of tea.}Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.

_{But those explosions of delight kept sounding in his mind non-stop, and they couldn't be suppressed. What's more, another feeling snuck its way into his mind—the thought of that woman deserving it.}
I was too young back then.

But those explosions of delight kept sounding in his mind non-stop, and they couldn't be suppressed. What's more, another feeling snuck its way into his mind—the thought of that woman deserving it.

_{Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.}The faint tune of string instruments filled the atmosphere, giving it all a very soothing vibe. He walked over to ask for the room number for his reservation, and a waitress wearing a white and blue cheongsam politely led him to the elevator and took him to the second floor.

_{Xiao Ning remained silent, unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he simply replied with a laugh, "I was too young back then."}Chen Ying went on, her topic of conversation focused on his childhood, with her carefully avoiding any mention of Xiao Lishen. "That day I bought you five balloons in a row, but you weren't careful, so all of them burst. I had no other choice, in the end, but to buy you a ball, and no matter what you did to it, it didn't pop. You were so happy after that."

Xiao Ning remained silent, unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he simply replied with a laugh, "I was too young back then."

_{But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."}
Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

_{Xiao Ning closed his eyes, revealing a soft smile, while his voice was clear and light. "It's all in the past now. There's no need for you to trouble your heart."}
Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

Xiao Ning closed his eyes, revealing a soft smile, while his voice was clear and light. "It's all in the past now. There's no need for you to trouble your heart."

_{Xiao Ning finally moved, his hands clasped together, pondering.}Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.

Xiao Ning finally moved, his hands clasped together, pondering.

_{{I should say something. It's not easy for her either.}}The Meeting

I should say something. It's not easy for her either.

_{The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories.}Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories. The mother in his memories was never this refined or beautiful. That woman was always frowning and carried an air that she was fed up with everything around her. She was not at all like the woman there today who was smiling right before his eyes.

_{But those words couldn't make it past his lips. It was like there was an intense sense of incongruity in his feelings that had locked up his throat, as if both a ball of fire and one of ice were simultaneously trying to force their way out of his chest! The sight of the crying woman before him made him rather uncomfortable.}
Xiao Ning sat there quietly as he listened to her, his wandering mind attempting to piece together his sealed-up past. There was not a young child who wouldn't feel love for their mother, and the same was true for Xiao Ning, even though the mother he had was never close to him, never played with him, and spent every day ignoring him as if there was something else always on her mind. Xiao Ning recalled how eager he was back then to get closer to Chen Ying. He also recalled that what scared him the most was when Chen Ying and Lishen would quarrel. His wee heart would shatter like it was the end of the world when that happened, and while the two adults were at each other's throats, he would scream his little lungs out as it was all his helplessly scared self could do.

But those words couldn't make it past his lips. It was like there was an intense sense of incongruity in his feelings that had locked up his throat, as if both a ball of fire and one of ice were simultaneously trying to force their way out of his chest! The sight of the crying woman before him made him rather uncomfortable. But at the same time, there was another emotion welling deep within. It rose like the bubbles from a fizzy drink, pushing its way faster and higher from his internal abyss, growing larger with each passing second, where each and every tremor from its fragmentation struck Xiao Ning with an alarming feeling. It was as though he was slapped in the face and had to deal with that stinging sensation and shame.

Xiao Ning held his breath and whipped his gaze up to Chen Ying at the invading thought. The look on his face must've also changed a great deal as he did so because Chen Ying's cries also abruptly came to a halt. She, too, stared at him, wearing an expression marred in confusion.

Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.

_{She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.}Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.

She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.

_{Xiao Ning finally moved, his hands clasped together, pondering.}
This couldn't be a case of mistaken identity, could it?

Xiao Ning finally moved, his hands clasped together, pondering.

_{Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."}He was twenty-seven now, and if not for Chen Ying's re-emergence, if not for her being before him right now, he would've never recalled such a ridiculous thing.

Chen Ying opened her mouth slightly, seeming to want to dispute it, but in the end, she instead said, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking about myself back then."

The room was quite large—large enough to host a tea party with ease. Xiao then saw Chen Ying sitting gracefully by the window. Her hands were interlocked on her knees, and it was clear she knew how to highlight her feminine strengths. The angle at which she tilted her head was perfect for making her appear pretty and gentle.

_{{I was too young back then.}}The room was quite large—large enough to host a tea party with ease. Xiao then saw Chen Ying sitting gracefully by the window. Her hands were interlocked on her knees, and it was clear she knew how to highlight her feminine strengths. The angle at which she tilted her head was perfect for making her appear pretty and gentle.

I was too young back then.

_{Such a polite and distant greeting had possibly given Chen Ying a shock because that genial smile she had worn as if they were on intimate terms had cracked a bit when she heard him. "Ningning, do you still remember Mama?"}
The instant such a question popped into his mind, he almost asked it out loud. But, thankfully, his senses had returned, and he couldn't help but be grateful he didn't ask such an impolite thing.

Such a polite and distant greeting had possibly given Chen Ying a shock because that genial smile she had worn as if they were on intimate terms had cracked a bit when she heard him. "Ningning, do you still remember Mama?"

_{Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.}
He had said nothing in response to her words, so Chen Ying had to continue speaking. "After I left, the reason I didn't dare contact you was because I was scared I would return and do anything in my power to find you. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't live that kind of life any more. I'm sorry, Ningning. I still thought about you every day."

_{The private room Chen Ying reserved was all the way at the end of the hall, and perhaps it was on account of the silence as he threaded over the thick carpet, but Xiao Ning felt as though it was all a bit surreal.}I was too young back then.

The private room Chen Ying reserved was all the way at the end of the hall, and perhaps it was on account of the silence as he threaded over the thick carpet, but Xiao Ning felt as though it was all a bit surreal.

_{"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"}Such a polite and distant greeting had possibly given Chen Ying a shock because that genial smile she had worn as if they were on intimate terms had cracked a bit when she heard him. "Ningning, do you still remember Mama?"

"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"

_{The faint tune of string instruments filled the atmosphere, giving it all a very soothing vibe. He walked over to ask for the room number for his reservation, and a waitress wearing a white and blue cheongsam politely led him to the elevator and took him to the second floor.}The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories. The mother in his memories was never this refined or beautiful. That woman was always frowning and carried an air that she was fed up with everything around her. She was not at all like the woman there today who was smiling right before his eyes.

_{The room was quite large—large enough to host a tea party with ease. Xiao then saw Chen Ying sitting gracefully by the window. Her hands were interlocked on her knees, and it was clear she knew how to highlight her feminine strengths. The angle at which she tilted her head was perfect for making her appear pretty and gentle.}
When she spoke this last sentence, her voice trembled and abruptly stopped. She then tried her best to restrain her emotions, reaching out to drink a sip of tea. Her beautiful face was now etched with a frail expression that would draw a sentiment of concern from anyone who saw it. She only stared at the cup for a moment, and soon her emotions settled once more. She then wore a soft smile as she began speaking again. "I remember that your favourite dish is fish. But you weren't careful when you ate it, so you'd always get pierced by the bones. Someone recommended a place nearby that makes some especially delicious fish-based dishes. Let's head there later."

_{The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories.}
Xiao Ning wanted to tell her there was no need to be so polite, but he felt somewhat drained. It was as though someone had smeared a thin layer of glue on his face that made even the slightest effort on his part feel stiff. He couldn't so much as muster the strength to speak a single word, so he only kept looking on quietly as Chen Ying spoke. He couldn't meet that woman's eyes either, his gaze finding a place lower to settle on, and only being broken by the slowest of blinks.

_{Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"}Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.

Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"

_{Chen Ying went on, her topic of conversation focused on his childhood, with her carefully avoiding any mention of Xiao Lishen. "That day I bought you five balloons in a row, but you weren't careful, so all of them burst. I had no other choice, in the end, but to buy you a ball, and no matter what you did to it, it didn't pop. You were so happy after that."}
Chen Ying went on, her topic of conversation focused on his childhood, with her carefully avoiding any mention of Xiao Lishen. "That day I bought you five balloons in a row, but you weren't careful, so all of them burst. I had no other choice, in the end, but to buy you a ball, and no matter what you did to it, it didn't pop. You were so happy after that."

_N/A
But even after saying this, Xiao Ning said nothing, drank none of his tea—made no movements at all, quite frankly—and it led to Chen Ying's voice faltering until there was nothing but silence in that room.

N/A

_{Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.}I should say something. It's not easy for her either.

Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

_{Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.}The sound of the door being knocked had captured her attention, so at the moment Xiao Ning had walked in, she was looking behind her. The moment she saw Xiao Ning, it was obvious that her emotions were somewhat stirred. But it had only been shown through her beaming smile and the hands clasped on her knees.

Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.

_{Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."}The way they sent and returned messages made them look like ordinary friends.

Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."

_{Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"}
Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.

Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"

She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.

_{Soft sobs escaped Chen Ying before she completed those words; even her crying expression was a thing of beauty.}
"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"

Soft sobs escaped Chen Ying before she completed those words; even her crying expression was a thing of beauty.

_{During that time, Xiao Ning promised himself he would never forgive her.}N/A

During that time, Xiao Ning promised himself he would never forgive her.

_{Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.}
I should say something. It's not easy for her either.

Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.

_{Xiao Ning closed his eyes, revealing a soft smile, while his voice was clear and light. "It's all in the past now. There's no need for you to trouble your heart."}Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.

Xiao Ning closed his eyes, revealing a soft smile, while his voice was clear and light. "It's all in the past now. There's no need for you to trouble your heart."

_{Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"}"Ningning?" Chen Ying asked with reddened eyes.

Xiao Ning walked over and took a seat. The first person in the room to speak was the waitress, who asked, "May I ask what tea you would like, sir?"

_{Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.}I was too young back then.

Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

_{The instant such a question popped into his mind, he almost asked it out loud. But, thankfully, his senses had returned, and he couldn't help but be grateful he didn't ask such an impolite thing.}
Xiao Ning finally moved, his hands clasped together, pondering.

The instant such a question popped into his mind, he almost asked it out loud. But, thankfully, his senses had returned, and he couldn't help but be grateful he didn't ask such an impolite thing.

_{But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."}Chen Ying went on, her topic of conversation focused on his childhood, with her carefully avoiding any mention of Xiao Lishen. "That day I bought you five balloons in a row, but you weren't careful, so all of them burst. I had no other choice, in the end, but to buy you a ball, and no matter what you did to it, it didn't pop. You were so happy after that."

But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

_{She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.}
Even now, he still couldn't figure out how to deal with Chen Ying. It had always been vague how he was supposed to tackle such a task. When questioned, he would simply reply with a few sentences, following the pattern of being rational, reasonable, and managing to maintain a calm demeanour. But having actually met her, inside his heart was nothing but a downpour of heavy snow, blotting out all traces of light—filling him with confusion and frost as he searched around in that chaos of darkness.

She may have intended to start their conversation on a relaxed note, but that topic of hers had already hit a sore spot in Xiao Ning. Upon hearing it, he felt both bitterness and a frigid hardness.

_{There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.}Such a polite and distant greeting had possibly given Chen Ying a shock because that genial smile she had worn as if they were on intimate terms had cracked a bit when she heard him. "Ningning, do you still remember Mama?"

There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.

_{As for Xiao Ning's current state of mind, he was still as calm as ever. As a matter of fact, he was so calm that it had even left him surprised. He was neither itching with excitement nor overwhelmed by nerves. He left work, bought his ticket, and then got off at his stop to find that place.}
He wanted to say, 'It's alright, you did nothing wrong.'

As for Xiao Ning's current state of mind, he was still as calm as ever. As a matter of fact, he was so calm that it had even left him surprised. He was neither itching with excitement nor overwhelmed by nerves. He left work, bought his ticket, and then got off at his stop to find that place.

_{But if he has to tell her she had done nothing wrong back then, if he had to speak those words, him seeing a close relative in pain right in front of him and turning his back to them is not the wrong thing to do now, too.}
But those words couldn't make it past his lips. It was like there was an intense sense of incongruity in his feelings that had locked up his throat, as if both a ball of fire and one of ice were simultaneously trying to force their way out of his chest! The sight of the crying woman before him made him rather uncomfortable. But at the same time, there was another emotion welling deep within. It rose like the bubbles from a fizzy drink, pushing its way faster and higher from his internal abyss, growing larger with each passing second, where each and every tremor from its fragmentation struck Xiao Ning with an alarming feeling. It was as though he was slapped in the face and had to deal with that stinging sensation and shame.

_{Xiao Ning sat there quietly as he listened to her, his wandering mind attempting to piece together his sealed-up past. There was not a young child who wouldn't feel love for their mother, and the same was true for Xiao Ning, even though the mother he had was never close to him, never played with him, and spent every day ignoring him as if there was something else always on her mind.}The fragrant scent of the brewing tea gradually lingered in the air as Xiao Ning looked at the woman before him, while he couldn't help feeling faint traces of doubt. This woman was very different from the Chen Ying in his memories. The mother in his memories was never this refined or beautiful. That woman was always frowning and carried an air that she was fed up with everything around her. She was not at all like the woman there today who was smiling right before his eyes.

Xiao Ning sat there quietly as he listened to her, his wandering mind attempting to piece together his sealed-up past. There was not a young child who wouldn't feel love for their mother, and the same was true for Xiao Ning, even though the mother he had was never close to him, never played with him, and spent every day ignoring him as if there was something else always on her mind. Xiao Ning recalled how eager he was back then to get closer to Chen Ying. He also recalled that what scared him the most was when Chen Ying and Lishen would quarrel. His wee heart would shatter like it was the end of the world when that happened, and while the two adults were at each other's throats, he would scream his little lungs out as it was all his helplessly scared self could do.

_{{Have I ever seen her laugh?}}Soft sobs escaped Chen Ying before she completed those words; even her crying expression was a thing of beauty.

Have I ever seen her laugh?

_{When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.}Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.

_{I should say something. It's not easy for her either.}
Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.

I should say something. It's not easy for her either.

_{But if he has to tell her she had done nothing wrong back then, if he had to speak those words, him seeing a close relative in pain right in front of him and turning his back to them is not the wrong thing to do now, too.}"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"

_{Have I ever seen her laugh?}
Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.

Have I ever seen her laugh?

_{Xiao Ning gave her his thanks, then turned his body to the side to enter, with the waitress following him from behind.}Xiao Ning wanted to tell her there was no need to be so polite, but he felt somewhat drained. It was as though someone had smeared a thin layer of glue on his face that made even the slightest effort on his part feel stiff. He couldn't so much as muster the strength to speak a single word, so he only kept looking on quietly as Chen Ying spoke. He couldn't meet that woman's eyes either, his gaze finding a place lower to settle on, and only being broken by the slowest of blinks.

Xiao Ning gave her his thanks, then turned his body to the side to enter, with the waitress following him from behind.

_{Xiao Ning held his breath and whipped his gaze up to Chen Ying at the invading thought. The look on his face must've also changed a great deal as he did so because Chen Ying's cries also abruptly came to a halt. She, too, stared at him, wearing an expression marred in confusion.}Xiao Ning sat there quietly as he listened to her, his wandering mind attempting to piece together his sealed-up past. There was not a young child who wouldn't feel love for their mother, and the same was true for Xiao Ning, even though the mother he had was never close to him, never played with him, and spent every day ignoring him as if there was something else always on her mind. Xiao Ning recalled how eager he was back then to get closer to Chen Ying. He also recalled that what scared him the most was when Chen Ying and Lishen would quarrel. His wee heart would shatter like it was the end of the world when that happened, and while the two adults were at each other's throats, he would scream his little lungs out as it was all his helplessly scared self could do.

_{Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.}Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.

Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

_{"Ningning?" Chen Ying asked with reddened eyes.}
She deserves it.

"Ningning?" Chen Ying asked with reddened eyes.

_{But even after saying this, Xiao Ning said nothing, drank none of his tea—made no movements at all, quite frankly—and it led to Chen Ying's voice faltering until there was nothing but silence in that room.}
Xiao Ning held his breath and whipped his gaze up to Chen Ying at the invading thought. The look on his face must've also changed a great deal as he did so because Chen Ying's cries also abruptly came to a halt. She, too, stared at him, wearing an expression marred in confusion.

But even after saying this, Xiao Ning said nothing, drank none of his tea—made no movements at all, quite frankly—and it led to Chen Ying's voice faltering until there was nothing but silence in that room.

_{There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.}
The peace that was kept due to the indifference he held throughout these events had now come crashing down with a thunderous roar, as if it had never existed to begin with. The world was now nothing but a place dusted in a dull, pale, gloom-inducing coat of ash. It was the same colour as the sky on the day Chen Ying left him that winter. The same colour as the wall facing the terribly narrow bed, he had a Xiao Suling's. That same colour, nobody else but him could see.

There were all sorts of utensils for brewing tea in the room, and the waitress quietly retreated to brew the tea for Xiao Ning.

_{He had said nothing in response to her words, so Chen Ying had to continue speaking. "After I left, the reason I didn't dare contact you was because I was scared I would return and do anything in my power to find you. But I... I couldn't. I couldn't live that kind of life any more. I'm sorry, Ningning. I still thought about you every day."}
Xiao Ning closed his eyes, revealing a soft smile, while his voice was clear and light. "It's all in the past now. There's no need for you to trouble your heart."

_{Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.}Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.

"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"

_{He wanted to say, 'It's alright, you did nothing wrong.'}Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.

He wanted to say, 'It's alright, you did nothing wrong.'

_{When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.}Xiao Ning received a message from Chen Ying before he left work. She sent him the address and asked Xiao Ning if it was convenient, her attitude cautious all the while. Xiao Ning knew the place, so he sent her a reply, telling her he would be there as soon as he could.

When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.

_{Xiao Ning wanted to tell her there was no need to be so polite, but he felt somewhat drained. It was as though someone had smeared a thin layer of glue on his face that made even the slightest effort on his part feel stiff.}
But Xiao Ning simply stood. "I have another engagement I need to get to, so let's end it here for today. Thank you for the tea."

Xiao Ning wanted to tell her there was no need to be so polite, but he felt somewhat drained. It was as though someone had smeared a thin layer of glue on his face that made even the slightest effort on his part feel stiff. He couldn't so much as muster the strength to speak a single word, so he only kept looking on quietly as Chen Ying spoke. He couldn't meet that woman's eyes either, his gaze finding a place lower to settle on, and only being broken by the slowest of blinks.

_{When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.}
He saw Chen Ying was terribly shaken and wanted him to stay but wasn't sure what she should do. But the memories of the ten-to-sixteen-year-old him flooded his mind. Those had been the most difficult years of his life, the period in which it became resoundingly clear his mother would never return for him and where he had thought about her the most.

When he got to the door of the private room, the waitress knocked on the door before opening it, then ushered him to enter first.

_{But if he has to tell her she had done nothing wrong back then, if he had to speak those words, him seeing a close relative in pain right in front of him and turning his back to them is not the wrong thing to do now, too.}"Ningning, can you ever forgive me?" Chen Ying's voice choked up as she spoke, yet it still maintained its melodic grace. "I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but can you give me a chance?"

_{During that time, Xiao Ning promised himself he would never forgive her.}
During that time, Xiao Ning promised himself he would never forgive her.

During that time, Xiao Ning promised himself he would never forgive her.

_{Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.}Wenquan. That was the name of the place in question. He had no idea what kind of meals they served there, but the decor was very high-class and the sign was quite eye-catching, so he wouldn't have to exert any extra effort on his part.

Xiao Ning took a while before he regained his senses and realised why there was no sound.

_{Xiao Ning wanted to tell her there was no need to be so polite, but he felt somewhat drained. It was as though someone had smeared a thin layer of glue on his face that made even the slightest effort on his part feel stiff.}He was twenty-seven now, and if not for Chen Ying's re-emergence, if not for her being before him right now, he would've never recalled such a ridiculous thing.

_{He would never forgive her, no matter what.}
He would never forgive her, no matter what.

He would never forgive her, no matter what.

_{iana: She really is something.}Xiao Ning clasped his hand tighter, his anxious thoughts wondering how this could be when the person before him was the woman who birthed him.

iana: She really is something.

_{{I should say something. It's not easy for her either.}}Have I ever seen her laugh?

I should say something. It's not easy for her either.

_{Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."}When she spoke this last sentence, her voice trembled and abruptly stopped. She then tried her best to restrain her emotions, reaching out to drink a sip of tea. Her beautiful face was now etched with a frail expression that would draw a sentiment of concern from anyone who saw it. She only stared at the cup for a moment, and soon her emotions settled once more. She then wore a soft smile as she began speaking again. "I remember that your favourite dish is fish. But you weren't careful when you ate it, so you'd always get pierced by the bones. Someone recommended a place nearby that makes some especially delicious fish-based dishes. Let's head there later."

Opening the tea menu, Xiao Ning noticed all the listed teas were quite expensive. "I'll have the jasmine snowdrop."

_{Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.}
He was twenty-seven now, and if not for Chen Ying's re-emergence, if not for her being before him right now, he would've never recalled such a ridiculous thing.

Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

_{He saw Chen Ying was terribly shaken and wanted him to stay but wasn't sure what she should do. But the memories of the ten-to-sixteen-year-old him flooded his mind. Those had been the most difficult years of his life, the period in which it became resoundingly clear his mother would never return for him and where he had thought about her the most.}Xiao Ning remained silent, unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he simply replied with a laugh, "I was too young back then."

_{Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.}Regardless of Xiao Ning's intentions, his words would naturally carry a sense of blame.

Delight—it was waves of delight bubbling within him.

_{The adult Xiao Ning frowned. Even thinking about these now still made him feel uncomfortable. His gaze now fell as he avoided looking at Chen Ying in the eyes, and it so happened to land on her hands. They were certainly hands that had never done any housework in a long time. The heaviest thing she had possibly ever carried might have been a purse.}
But if he has to tell her she had done nothing wrong back then, if he had to speak those words, him seeing a close relative in pain right in front of him and turning his back to them is not the wrong thing to do now, too.

_{{Have I ever seen her laugh?}}I should say something. It's not easy for her either.

Have I ever seen her laugh?

_{He wanted to say, 'It's alright, you did nothing wrong.'}
Like this, he no longer looked at Chen Ying. Turning around, he simply left.

He wanted to say, 'It's alright, you did nothing wrong.'

Author's Note:

N/A

Notes:

iana: She really is something.

The Long Road Ahead: C55

The Meeting

Author's Note:

Notes:

No comments:

Future Projects

Popular

Recents

Comments

Labels

Pages

Search This Blog

Pageviews last month

Contact